FORWARD

Why Write This Book and Why Now?

     I will never forget my first experience with someone who had absolutely no idea about their finances, managing a home, funerals, or the future.  I was working in the Customer Service department at a bank at the time.  A terribly upset elderly lady came in and asked for help.  Her husband had died the day before and she had no idea about anything.  Her job had been raising the children and taking care of the house, laundry, and cooking.  She did not know if she even had the money to bury her husband.  That experience has always been at the back of my mind because it was such a traumatic time for her and heart breaking for me.  She was embarrassed to ask her children for assistance because she had always been the strong one and provided guidance to them.

     I told my husband, in broad terms, about the sad situation the lady was forced into and we decided then that this would never happen to us.  Through all our years of marriage, everything was discussed, whether it was “our” money or “his” or “mine.”  We discussed expenses, income, and investments.  No decision was made without getting input from the other.  Years later, we began to discuss death.  My husband was 22 years older than I.  The chance of him dying before me was greater than me dying before him.  Considering this, we purchased burial plots and pre-funeral arrangements, including caskets.  We discussed what type of funeral we wanted, and all things related to end-of-life matters.

     Approximately five years before his death, my husband was diagnosed with dementia.  As his memory slipped, he grew increasingly afraid that something could happen to me and he would not remember anything related to finances, our home, insurance, funeral arrangements, etc.  He also knew he would need assistance from someone to manage those things, so I began a journal for him.  In this journal, I wrote about our bank, credit union, and investments; our home, automobile, life, and medical insurance; the origins and amount of our income; our utilities with names of utility providers and account numbers; our other expenses, including vehicle payments, home mortgage, and property tax; our burial plots; our funeral plans; and any other information I thought he might need.  I placed it within his reach when he was sitting in his favorite recliner.  This helped put my husband’s mind at ease.

     As time progressed and his memory regressed, we discussed who he wanted to have access to the journal should he need help.  At his suggestion, we selected two trustworthy family members and told them where they could find the journal if necessary.  Along the way, I updated the journal to include which payments were automatically deducted from our checking account each month, websites, usernames, passwords, my retirement income (because I had retired to take care of him), and any other pertinent information.  I made copies of utility bills, credit card bills, and other monthly bills and placed them in a safety deposit box.  I made a note in my journal that they could be found there.  I also made a journal entry about where I kept the safety deposit box key, where the safety deposit box is located (including the address), and who could have access to the box.

     I had discussed my journal with my mother, who took me to her filing cabinet where she had all her documents, including the documents I would need as executor of her estate.  We also made her funeral arrangements, knowing she would be buried next to my dad, who had died several years earlier.  I was thankful for that conversation and the actions we took because a few months later, I lost her.

     Six months before my husband died, my neighbor from across the street unexpectedly lost her husband.  Her story reminded me of the lady I had helped years before whose husband took care of everything, and she did not know what to do.  Fortunately, my neighbor had her children to help her with everything.

     Approximately one month before my husband died, we discussed changing our funeral home to one closer to where we lived.  He agreed, and I knew exactly where the paperwork was so I could take care of the change for both of us.  When my husband died, my journal helped me because I had written about his life insurance policy; his retirement income and medical insurance; and his Social Security (among other things) so that I didn’t have to search for the paperwork.  I had it all at my fingertips.

     Three months after my husband died, my next-door neighbor’s wife died unexpectedly.  Once again, here was a case where one spouse took care of everything and the other one had no clue.  He has said it took several months for his son to go through all the paperwork his wife had saved to get things in order.

     Now you know the reason I decided to write this book and here is the “Why Now?”  My husband had a very caring group from hospice that worked with us and they continued to provide me with information and meetings to help me through my grief for one year.  During that year, my mind and heart kept coming back to those who lost a loved one and had nothing to guide them into their future of being without a loved one who had taken care of everything.  I thought of people who may not have anyone to turn to for answers or guidance.

     It has taken me a year to complete this book because I felt the need to be honest, yet not provide legal counsel.  People need to be prepared for the future because they may have many hard decisions to make.

     If you read this book and decide to create your own journal, I ask that you encourage your loved one to read it as well.  You may read it to them if they are unable to do so themselves to help them understand why you are asking the questions you are asking.  You should explain to them that you are not probing into their business, but you need guidance.  If they refuse to provide you with any information, respect their privacy and do not push.  Considering this, then, you should give them time to think about the information you asked for. 

     I hope you find this book useful and informative.  I have deliberately kept the book short because circumstances do not always allow the luxury of time for reading.